Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 8 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
Tell us about a situation that seemed to have totally gotten out of hand – how did you solve it?
It was submitted by: https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
As some of you know, I have spent the last 8 years as a full-time caregiver to my mother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. Unfortunately, I lost my mom on January 15th of this year. I miss her every single day, but I’m so happy that she is no longer in pain (she also had metastatic breast cancer).
In the very beginning of her diagnosis, we realized that she was no longer safe living on her own. My husband and I decided that it was time to move in with us. We thought it would be easy hahahahahaha! I don’t think any of us had ever been as unhappy as we were in the very beginning.
BELOW IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY VERY FIRST BLOG POST
When you are thrust into the job of caregiver without any warning or supervision you make mistakes…BIG ONES. Every day my mom would look at me and say, “I want to go home.” Every day I would walk into my room and cry.
Here I was taking on this job and wanting so bad to be great at it and seemed to be making everything so much worse. My heart was breaking. Those first three months I spent my time saying “No mom you can’t do that, mom you just said that, and mom you forgot again.” We were all miserable.
After the culmination of a terrible week, with me ending up in the hospital. Trying to make sure mom was being taken care of her, frozen water pipes. What else could go wrong? She hid the keys to our house and we spent three hours locked out of our home in the freezing cold.
We were finally able to get into our house and decided to carry on with the rest of our day. We went to the grocery store and that would be the end of one of the worst time in our lives and there have been some doozies!
She got angry in the grocery, which I now know was just bad timing, frustration, confusion and well just being very scared on her part. We came home and my mother looked at me and screamed at me for the first time in my 44 years! Oh, did I mention this was also my birthday?
Well, I lost it, I’ll admit it.
That’s the whole point of this story.
We will ALL make mistakes. I said, “You cannot go home, you can’t even take care of yourself”! She ran to her room crying, I’m at the kitchen table crying and my husband who has silently watched this outburst slips outside with tears in his eyes. We were all miserable and going crazy.
I said, “You cannot go home, you can’t even take care of yourself”! She ran to her room crying, I’m at the kitchen table crying and my husband who has silently watched this outburst slips outside with tears in his eyes. We were all miserable and going crazy.
Well, about fifteen minutes later, she comes back into the kitchen and says in such a small voice “I’m so scared” with her tear stained face. I looked at her and said. “Momma, I’m scared too, but the only way to get through this is together. After that, we settled down and had a nice evening.
That night I went into my room with a heavy heart, my tablet, and sheer determination to find some answers. I found the Alzheimer’s Reading Room. I read an article about communication and the light switch went off for me. I realized I knew absolutely
I realized I knew absolutely NOTHING about what I was doing and the big one I WAS NOT ALL ALONE as I had thought. I read for hours. I decided that when I woke up things were going to change. First, I realized that I had been grieving so hard for all that she and I had been losing, that I had forgotten all the wonderful things she could still do.
First, I realized that I had been grieving so hard for all that she and I had been losing, that I had forgotten all the wonderful things she could still do.
That day changed my whole life. The next day I started writing & I haven’t stopped yet. That frustration & sadness I felt was the beginning of a whole new road. I began blogging in January of 2014. The writing soothed my soul, it snapped me out of the depression that had become my new normal, and it introduced me to a whole new community of women that I didn’t even know that I needed as desperately as the air I breathe.
Depression & isolation could have either sent me into a dizzying tailspin that would have ruined what time I had left with my mom, but the simple act of finding out I wasn’t alone introduced me to a whole new way of life. I became a blogger & finally a web designer and that I believe saved my life.
Don’t get me wrong the depression just didn’t disappear, but with the proper medication & the tools to recognize it and the platform to work through it was life-changing. Mom and I opened up our lives, pulled the curtain back so to speak to show what it is really like as an unpaid, family caregiver and watching someone you desperately love slip a little further away with each passing day. It is soul-crushing.
Did it magically heal me? Absolutely not. I’m still a hot mess at times. I have severe social anxiety, I mean some days it takes everything in me just to walk out the door to my home. Most days I don’t make it, but because I have broadened my horizon and gained a deeper understanding I now realize that it’s not a permanent issue and tomorrow could be better.
Today, I feel more confident in pushing the issue because while I was showing you how hard it was to be a caregiver you showed me that there are caring, loving people out there who understand and care. Don’t ever forget that YOU saved ME!
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Spatulas on Parade https://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com
The Bergham Chronicles https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Our Prime Years https://ourprimeyears.com/blog/
Climaxed https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com
Part-time Working Hockey Mom https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
I'm a wanderer, website manager, and storyteller. I live in sunny SC with my husband of 30 years and our goldfish, "Please Survive"(long story!). When I'm not untangling CSS or wrangling PHP you'll find me writing my next tale, planning my next road trip, or just hanging out with the grandkids.
You dream I'll drive!
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What a wonderful, bittersweet post, Rena!
While it’s comforting to know you’re not alone, there are still many situations you have to handle on your own, not knowing what “the right way” is, but it’ll always be “your way”, and with your best intentions.
I love everything about this piece, Rena, it’s the story of how reaching out, and finding so many willing to take your hand, can make all the difference in the world.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, I know at times it was and still is hard but in researching, reaching out and sharing with us, your life has been enriched and in doing so, it has enriched ours as well.
I remember when my sister-in-law, the always bubbly – always cheerful – always helpful one, had to deal with a father who’d had a stroke and a mother who had a heart attack. All withing months of each other. Depression and fatigue drained her – and she was still working full-time. She finally talked to her doctor and got some medication (since discontinued) and was amazed at how much better she was at coping with things.
Sending huge hugs your way!
finding groups about chronic fatigue syndrome (my illness), reading others’ experiences, and finding friends who have it has made all the difference to me. I imagine your blog has been a source of comfort for people who really needed it, and that’s something you can really be proud of even on the hardest days