Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This month 5 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
Your “Secret Subject” is:
What were you voted as ‘most likely to’ in high school? Where are you
I was never voted as ‘most likely’ anything in high school because I only went to high school for one year before my world fell apart and the only safety net I had was gone. No prom, no graduation, and even no first date. Just hazy memories that always seem to make me feel “less than”.
My memory of those years is sketchy at best. The only clear memory I have was the day my dad died of a heart attack when I was 15 years old on May 10, 1985. He was there one moment and gone the next and it felt as if an E5 tornado had landed on top of our life. It was without a doubt the very worst day of my life.
Fifteen is an important time in a young girls’ life and losing your main compass can be debilitating, but more than that it leaves you vulnerable to some who search out those lost souls to exploit. At 15, you’re still gullible, naive, and even in some cases like me numb and dumb.
It became easy to drink that beer or pop that pill. Finding myself, in the company of men who should have known better and probably did. Plying me with liquor and drugs so that their own masculinity would get a jolt and their manhood inflated. Me just chasing that daddy figure to love me I assume now with my vast knowledge (hahahahaha!)
Waking in strange houses and beds having no recollection of how I had gotten there. Hating myself, even more, each morning and then numbing myself to forget as soon as I could. It became a vicious cycle that led me into situations that I wasn’t mature enough to handle. My drug of choice was Xanax, but I rarely said no to a line of coke all with a Wild Turkey chaser. I wanted to die and this was my way of making that happen.
I found myself at 19 pregnant and married to an older man who was just as miserable as I was. We had a child but never a relationship. I was always the one to leave because I couldn’t handle being left. At the first sign of a problem, anything really, and I was off to find the next, or did they find me? It’s hard to tell today.
Luckily, all of that changed for me the night I met my husband. I can’t explain how I knew but I’ve always known from that first look that he was the other half of me. For the first time, I felt whole again. Two kids who just wanted to build a life that we had never seen and to raise a family without a shadow over them. The shadow of pain that comes from adults pretending children are other adults.
If you know a child whom you might suspect is being abused please, don’t just look the other way. A silent voice is complicity.
It was submitted by: https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
What TF Sarah https://crazymamallama.blogspot.com/
Part-time Working Hockey Mom https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/